


Matthew Lawson's Guide to Coming Out

by flashforeward



Category: The Doctor Blake Mysteries
Genre: Bisexuality, Coming Out, Friendship, Gen, bisexual matthew lawson, lanky awkward teenage lawson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10087853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashforeward/pseuds/flashforeward
Summary: In which Matthew has a secret he needs to share, and Lucien Blake is a great best friend.





	

Perhaps if this were a different time Matthew could have found some sort of guide for how to do this, how to tell your best friend about your proclivities. Matthew feels the wry smile tugging at his lips at that thought, that word. Proclivity. It's so formal. Bloodless. _Feelings_ is a more appropriate word, but he's not sure he's ready to even admit to himself that this is really truly how he _feels_ , let alone tell Lucien about it.

 

H e hasn't seen his best mate all term and he's actually almost glad about that. It gave him time to sort through this himself, without Lucien's  good intentions. Gave him time to decide if he wanted to burden Lucien with this - because it feels like a burden now, here, in this time and place. Heavy on his shoulders, this knowledge he cannot share with anyone. He wrestled with the decision to tell Lucien, Lucien who has been by his side through so much. Lucien who has tended his cuts and bruises and never told a single soul where they came from. Lucien, the first person he ever got drunk with. Lucien who is there at every break, by his side for as much time as possible before he's back off to school, leaving Matthew behind again.

 

No.

 

That isn't fair.

 

Lucien didn't choose that. No matter how hard it is to watch him go, he never chose to leave Matthew.

 

Because Matthew knows by now that, despite boarding school, he and Lucien will always have each other. Or, he hopes so. If this revelation doesn't destroy everything they've built over the years.

 

It's such a risk, Matthew knows. The number of people Lucien could tell - his own father, Matthew's parents. Everything could come crumbling down. But it's a risk Matthew has decided he has to take. He trusts Lucien, and though he knows there is the slightest chance that this will be too much he has to hope their friendship will prove stronger than any disgust or  religious indoctrination.

 

I f it isn't, well. Matthew's thought about just leaving before, and now is as good a time as any. He hopes it doesn't come to that, but if it does he's got a bag packed and ready.

 

He doesn't knock on the Blakes's door. He stands outside and chucks pebbles at Lucien's bedroom window. When it opens, he jogs over and climbs up and in, landing on the floor with a thud.

 

Lucien, sitting on the bed, doesn't look up from his book. "If you were trying to avoid alerting my father to your presence, you just failed spectacularly."

 

"You going to help me up?" Matthew asks, but Lucien doesn't move so Matthew just gets up on his own - it's not easy, he's all limbs lately and somehow despite them all belonging to the same body they get all tangled up together no matter how hard he tries. He manages to get to his feet, then strides across the room and promptly falls back onto Lucien's bed, making it bounce, which makes Lucien's book close in his lap.

 

Finally, Lucien looks up. "That was mature," he says.

 

Matthew snorts. "When have we ever really been mature, mate?" he asks. Lucien shrugs, as if to say it's a fair point, and then just sits and waits. He can always tell when there's something on Matthew's mind. Usually Matthew finds this to be a blessing, but right now it feels more like a curse.

 

He would have liked to have avoided this conversation a little longer.

 

He clears his throat and looks away, staring up at the ceiling. "I have something I need to tell you," he says.

 

"I'd gathered as much."

 

It's quiet for awhile. Matthew's glad of this - he knows other people who would press and prod and needle him until he snapped. Lucien was never like that. Lucien waits, patient and calm. He knows Matthew will speak when he's ready and he won't push it and Matthew hadn't realized how badly he needed that until he's lying there in the quiet in his best friend's bedroom trying to decide how best to tell him the truth.

 

"I. I've found that." He coughs, clears his throat, glances at Lucien, then looks back up at the ceiling. He cannot watch Lucien react to what he's about to say. "I have found a bit of a . A curiosity. With regards to my...attractions." He winces. God he sounds like a bloody barrister.

 

" I'm not sure I follow," Lucien says after a few moments.

 

Of course he doesn't, Matthew wouldn't have followed either if he hadn't been the one to say it. He just wishes there was a way to make this confession without really making it, a way to tell Lucien so that if it goes wrong and Lucien does rat him out he can just say Lucien misunderstood. But he can't. Because it's too close, too personal, too raw and real.

 

And he can't carry it alone anymore.

 

He sits up, turns and faces Lucien, forcing himself to hold his gaze. "Remember last time you were home, I was telling you about that girl  who'd  moved in down the lane from us?" he asks. Lucien nods once, slowly. "Right, well. You remember what I said?"

 

"That she was quite fine, if I recall," Lucien answers promptly. "A 'looker' was the term you used, I believe?" he looks like he'd have a laugh at Matthew's expense if he weren't so certain that whatever this conversation is it's a serious one.

 

And Matthew feels a rush of gratitude for this friendship and for Lucien himself.

 

"Right. Well. Let's just say I've found another looker," Matthew says - may as well give Lucien more fodder for jokes now, for that idyllic future where they'll look back on this day and laugh. Lucien doesn't say anything, just raises an eyebrow and waits and Matthew blows out a breath. "His name's Jacob and he's got a bloody amazing arse, all right?"

 

Lucien's reaction is, quite frankly, the last thing Matthew was expecting. "I don't suppose there's any way of finding out if he's noticed _yours_?" he asks.

 

" That's it?" Matthew asks.

 

"What do you mean that's it? I just complemented your arse, what more did you want?"

 

Matthew holds Lucien's gaze for a moment more before he just completely breaks out laughing, falling back onto the bed, his whole body shaking with laughs that are half from amusement and half from relief. Lucien's started laughing as well and slides down to lie beside Matthew. He takes Matthew's hand, gives it a squeeze, and meets his gaze as their laughter peters out. His expression is a familiar one to Matthew . He 's waiting, asking if Matthew's all right, letting Matthew know that if there's more to this he's here to listen.

 

Matthew smiles and he's sure it looks sadder than he means it to but there is a bittersweetness to this moment - no one else is ever going to react as well to this as Lucien just has. He squeezes Lucien's hand and they lie there quietly, content in each others company.

 

And Matthew  feels ,  once again , grateful that Lucien Blake is his best friend.


End file.
